Confederacy of a Dunce - In which the Dunce is an opening act for Adam Ant

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

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In which the Dunce is an opening act for Adam Ant

If I'm telling tales about the Folks, I can hardly omit my one and only performance on stage at the Folks (I mean my one and only musical performance on stage; I'll discuss that other performance in my next entry). It was Christmas Eve eve, and the last Folks of 2001. And what says Christmas more than a musical tribute to Johnny Cash, featuring London's best Johnny Cash tribute act The Folsom Four (featuring Morrisey's guitarist Boz Boorer) with "special guests"? As usual anyone was welcome to perform a couple of songs beforehand, and on this occasion the suggestion was made that floorspot performances should really be Johnny Cash related.

What better occasion, then, for me to make my performance debut? The Autocrat and I had gotten together a couple of nights beforehand and ran through a couple of appropriate songs (No Depression in Heaven, Daddy Sang Bass) until I was able to manage to get everything mostly right, or at least close enough. We were on first and I'd never seen so many people crowded into the Golden Lion. Fortified with a sip or two of the dark stuff I was ready to take the stage (or as ready as I'd ever be). I don't recall much at all about the performance, other than that the songs were really short, that my (brief) solos were pretty much disastrous, and worst of all that I didn't sing the "Daddy sang bass" line particularly low, which ruins the whole effect (thank goodness the Autocrat was able to provide a quality falsetto for the "tenor" part, as well as being an excellent player despite my hacking performance). We did, however, receive a roaring ovation when we finished (perhaps out of pity, but it doesn't matter, I'll take it) and it was such a relief to be finished that I can't exactly remember what happened immediately thereafter.

Eventually the Folsom Four came on stage and ran through the whole range of Cash material (they played pretty much everything you'd expect), but the best was yet to come as the special guests started to appear, each one backed by the Folsom Four. First up was one of the guys from psychobilly band The Meteors (at least, I think that's who it was. If not, well you'll have to blame my unfamiliarity with the world of psychobilly [or anything-billy for that matter]). Following him was UK comedian Mark Lamarr, radio personality and host of the music/comedy TV program "Never Mind the Buzzcocks" (a favorite in the Dunce house). Surprisingly enough he was quite good as a musical performer as well (follow this link if you'd like to book him for your event. Fee bracket £11k - £15k) although I can't recall any details of his performance. Because of my shock and awe at seeing the next performer...

At first I thought it was just another drunk crazy guy off the street, a common occurrence at the Golden Lion. But then he was introduced... as Adam Ant! He was wearing a cowboy hat, a dark jacket and some heavy sunglasses, loads of rings and camouflage trousers. When he took off the hat it was clear why he was wearing it: a mohican doesn't look so good when the front half has been devastated due to baldness. In honor of the Johnny Cash tribute theme he began by complaining that Elvis Presley is underappreciated, and therefore he'd treat us to a few Elvis songs. Very strange to hear an aging, crazed Adam Ant singing "In the Ghetto", that's for sure (not to mention "Bang a Gong [Get it on]" which was also part of his performance according to my records). Once he'd staggered through the Elvis songs it was time for some Eighties classics (Cleopatra, Young Parisians, Prince Charming among others). I think his performance was rubbish but by that point it didn't matter, everyone was crowded toward the front, standing/dancing on every available horizontal surface (and some not-quite horizontal surfaces). Eventually it was over and Adam Ant eventually staggered off into the Camden night. What a memorable night it was... the night I opened for Adam Ant.

Epilogue: Only a couple of weeks later, Mr. Ant (real name Stuart Goddard) got into a bit of trouble around Camden Town. The NME headline says it all, really: "ADAM ANT IN MENTAL WARD", while the BBC was a bit more sensitive "Adam Ant detained in hospital". According to follow-up reports (BBC source), "The singer was charged earlier this year after the incident in January at the Prince of Wales pub in Kentish Town, north London. He returned to the pub after regular drinkers there laughed at his "cowboy" clothes. He was said to have smashed the pub's windows - injuring musician Plato Contostavlos - and waved a starting pistol at customers who ran after him. It appeared he was furious that customers had mockingly sung the theme from The Good, The Bad And The Ugly when he walked in.". Fortunately it seems that things have improved for Mr. Ant, according to gigwise his autobiography is on the way: "The book, entitled, ‘Stand and Deliver’ will chart the singer’s dysfunctional childhood and his rise to fame and his decline into manic depression. Ant has kept in-depth diaries of his life since the 1970’s and has signed a lucrative deal to spill the beans on his crazy life."

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Wednesday, October 12, 2005 12:15:48 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)