Confederacy of a Dunce - Slug Bugs gone wild!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

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No one should be surprised that there is a competitive element to Dunce holidays, nearly always in the form of a SLUG BUG contest. The basic idea of the game is to be the first to see a Volkswagen Beetle, utter the words "SLUG BUG" plus its color, and punch ("slug") your opponent. The exact rules of the game are wildly divergent, including the "no slugback" rule which prevents subsequent slugging for the same bug, bonus points for certain colors or certain situations, and whether the new Beetle is a legitimate slug bug. In order to prevent disputes and permit high-stakes competition, we have developed our own house rules (or out-of-house rules) as follows:

A competition shall begin at a designated moment and stakes must be agreed upon before the first Slug Bug is spotted. The competition is deemed complete at an agreed-upon destination, or if no destination is specified, when the travelers return home. The first person to see a qualifying Slug Bug and begin the utterance "Slug Bug" shall be identified as the spotter of that Slug Bug. The scoring utterance is not complete until the color (or other words or phrases indicating the vehicles's appearance, such as "British flag", "sunflowers", etc.) of the Slug Bug has been named (and an opponent has been "slugged"), but another player cannot "scoop" a scoring Slug Bug by finishing the phrase and/or slugging an opponent first. Close calls should be decided by an impartial referee or by agreement among the contestants; in the event of simultaneous utterances the points shall be divided amongst the players. A player may not unduly extend the pronunciation of the initial "S" of "Slug Bug" in the hope of seeing a qualifying Slug Bug during the lengthy sibilant. False identification of non-qualifying vehicles as Slug Bugs is discouraged; frequent infractions may be subject to penalty. Slugbacks are never permitted; once a Slug Bug has been spotted it is removed from the competition. "Known" Slug Bugs (i.e., those with which the participants are already familiar) are not eligible for scoring, and it is considered bad form for one participant to select a route including Slug Bugs known only to him/her, and to spot those Slug Bugs as if they were unfamiliar. Spotting a Slug Bug not only offers the satisfaction of being first, and of striking your opponent, but also scores points as follows:

Ordinary VW Beetle aka bug ("Slug Bug"): One point

VW Beetle convertible ("Slug Bug convertible"): One and one-half points

VW Microbus aka VW van ("Slug Van"): Two points

In theory, ten points are awarded for spotting exceptionally customized vehicles such as a Slug Van converted into a truck, a Slug Bug dragster or other exotic vehicles (Slug Helicopter, perhaps?). Such instances must be agreed upon as "exceptional", otherwise they score no more than a standard Slug Bug of the appropriate class.

Half points may be awarded to spotters of partial Slug Bugs, but awarding of points in such instances must be agreed upon by the referee or participants (in the absence of a referee).

No points are awarded for New Beetles or an updated Microbus (should such an atrocity be loosed upon our roads).

Additional scoring classifications may be implemented for specific journeys (e.g. five points for a silver or gold Slug Bug for the Queen's Jubilee) but these do not carry over into future competitions.

Our trip to Cornwall took us into one of the UK's Slug Bug hotspots, as the VW Microbus is the vehicle of choice among the surfing community. As such our spotting was fast and furious, mostly two-point Microbuses so the scores mounted rapidly. I may have been at a slight disadvantage to Opal Dunce as I was behind the wheel, but I have previously prevailed under such circumstances. This time, however, it was not to be. The competition started at 9am on Friday morning, and finished at 6pm on Sunday afternoon (a total of 57 hours).

Final scores
Opal Dunce: 84 (1.47 Slug Bugs per hour)
The Dunce: 51.5 (0.90 per hour)

So I'll be buying the sushi this time around. I'll have to train more for the next outing... I wonder how many Slug Bugs they have in Estonia. Maybe I'll be the one to spot something like this.

travel

Tuesday, August 02, 2005 11:35:15 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)