Tuesday, July 19, 2005
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Stupidity and Idiocy
It's time to announce the official awards for stupidity and idiocy. My good friend Google has been pressed into service to determine the winners. The domains of stupidity and idiocy fall into three categories: WORLD, UNIVERSE and "EVER", and the winner is whichever entity chosen by Google as the top search result for sentences of the form "* is the (stupidest person/biggest idiot) (in the (world/universe)/ever)". Let the following serve as benchmarks of stupidity/idiocy against which we can all measure our own stupid or idiotic acts.

Stupidest Person in the World
Mark David [Chapman], murderer of John Lennon. From John Lennon memorial page (HK). You may think you're stupid for locking your keys in the house, but at least you didn't murder any of the Beatles (there are still two left if you want to try).

Stupidest Person in the Universe
"Richard": "well i guess that is about it for this entry besides that fact that Richard is the stupidest person in the universe... he says that he didnt post the GOD messages on melissas xanga but yet he says he posted the last one that means he posted them all because the times is 1 minute btwn the entrys of Richard and GOD so it is obvious...". From xanga of "Nightfoenix" aka "xskaterchicx" (don't follow the link unless you are a masochist). I suspect M.D. Chapman would have done something even more stupid than posting the GOD messages, but he's still imprisoned as far as I know.

Stupidest Person Ever
This award goes to Bam Margera famous skater-boarder and star of intellectual fare such as Jackass and Viva La Bam. Mr. Margera is also "the worst skater ever.... his show viva la bam is dumb and every1 that has met him thinks hes a jerk and when like little kids ask him for his autograph he will be like screw u and all the little kids look up to him i really think that no shops or websites should should support and sell bams products cause hes a jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". From a letter to CCS Connect. It clearly takes a concerted effort to be the stupidest person ever.

Biggest Idiot in the World
Guy who wrote the article "Is your son a computer hackor" [sic] on Adequacy.org. Unfortunately certain posters on a techimo.com forum didn't seem to realize the article was a joke, so perhaps this title should remain vacant for the moment.

Biggest Idiot in the Universe
Steve Lyons for his book "Doctor Who: The Witch Hunters" (The TARDIS arrives in Salem Village, Massachusetts, 1692....). According to reviewer Finn Clark, "no Doctor Who book has ever taken me this long to read... Even if you personally accept this story's rationalisation of a steerable TARDIS, you've got to accept that it's startlingly atypical for the period....." and concludes "Steve Lyons is the biggest idiot in the universe to try to write a sequel to The Crucible. I've seen it done properly, and only about a year ago. No way could he have lived up to that. Ever, ever, ever.". This suggests that anyone could become the biggest idiot in the universe simply by trying to write a sequel to The Crucible. Here's my effort: "Parris comes back to Salem after all and becomes a successful businessman. The end." Maybe I'll win next year's competition.

Biggest Idiot Ever
Apaprently an inside joke on Baseball Think Factory referring to a forum troll named "Randal" who posted the question "Are you the biggest idiot ever?" on multiple discussion threads. Apparently taken from the animated series "Clerks", according to the Baseball Think Factory's wiki. But as no "biggest idiot ever" has actually been identified, this title must remain vacant.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005 12:51:14 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  |