Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Education in flux

A memo was circulated recently by the anonymous educational institute next door to my workplace, concerning upcoming construction works that apparently may be so disruptive as to cause, erm, significant issues of a personal nature:

FOR YOUR INFORMATION:

...To confirm that scaffolding will be erected to the side of (Anonymous) building, on the Service Road Exit ramp, on Wednesday 12 April;

Repair work carried out on Thursday 13 April, and the Scaffolding dismantled and removed on Good Friday 14 April 2006....

The (Anonymous) Institute apologies for any incontinence caused while this necessary maintenance work is carried out.

Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

language
Wednesday, March 29, 2006 2:19:16 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [3]  | 
 Tuesday, March 28, 2006
A little about books

I've neglected writing about reading too long on this blog, especially since I'm such a book fanatic. Today starts a series of posts about me and books (although we'll see how long I stick to the idea). I'll start with a snapshot of the current moment when it comes to reading.

In general, the amount of time I spend reading is inversely proportional to the amount of time I spend cycling. This is especially related to my commute (it's very easy to read on the bus, and very difficult to read on the bike). Lately I've been riding a lot, so I've been reading much less. Not to say I haven't been reading; my most recent books are as follows:

David Lee Roth's autobiography, Crazy from the Heat. I'm not much of a musician/memoir reader; this one was lent to me by a friend and served an excellent role as toilet reading. In general, Amazon reviewers thought this book was wonderful (average rating: 4.5/5 stars). I found it shockingly incoherent and full of Mr. Roth's giant ego (I must admit, occasionally amusing). It was apparently edited down from thousands of pages; I can't imagine what it was like before the editing process. However, this made it ideal as a toilet read: as the tales he relates don't seem to be in any particular order, and tend to fade from one tale into the next without resolution, one need not adjust the duration of one's transactions to correspond with chapters, narrative units, etc.

Iain Sinclair's Lights Out for the Territory. An excellent counterpoint to the Roth biography which I read in more public places. This one also contains its share of incoherent ramblings, but they're all inspired by Sinclair's psychogeopgraphical journeys around London, and it's full of interesting London characters, obscure locations, objects and events which together make up a sort of London mythology. Each of the sections follows the author on a hike in London, and no detail is too minor to set him off on a string of associations about the area, its people, its mood, and how all of them may have changed as time goes by. His approach to exploring the area resonates with me quite a bit, although my inclinations toward interpretation are substantially less grandiose. (Amazon reviews: average 4/5 stars)

David Foster Wallace's Consider the Lobster and other essays. I'm a huge fan of DFW, whose Infinite Jest is one of my favorite books of all time. His short stories, on the other hand, have been largely disappointing (and let's not even go into Everything and More: A Compact History of Infinity which is infuriating in its unholy union of chatty ramblings about like the greatest math teacher ever and just how cool he was, and (fairly) well put together mathematical content), and I found his previous book of essays A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again mixed: I really really enjoyed the title essay, in which DFW recounts a decidedly unfun experience on a luxury cruise, and also his account of visiting the Illinois State Fair [featuring an incident of overeating sufficiently severe to require medical attention], but others on more highbrow sujects were less memorable/interesting. The same can be said about this one: the essays I enjoyed most were those that revolved around DFW's personal experiences in various situations (Adult Video News awards ceremony; traveling on the John McCain bus during his 2000 Presidential campaign; watching the events of Sept 11 2001 with neighbors in Bloomington, IL). There was also an excellent piece on Tracy Austin's autobiography and how unsatisfied DFW was with its lack of meaningful content (mirroring my own complaints about the massive number of interviews with successful ath(a)letes who just go on and on about doing it for the team, and sucking it up when the heat's on, and giving 110%, and just pulling together like a unit and getting things done, ad infinitum). The title piece was written for Gourmet magazine about the Maine Lobster Festival, and had DFW's characteristic interesting observations about the event itself, before mutating into DFW's opinions about the ethics of lobster preparation and so on (yawn... I've read more of this sort of stuff than I care to acknowledge, and it feels like more of an individual decision at this level). An assortment of hifalutin articles that I sorta skipped over (Dostoevsky, Kafka), and an essay about correct English language usage which has had the fur flying for quite a while (for example, see Language Hat's post "David Foster Wallace Demolished" [scroll down]; google snoot wallace if you want to read more about this particular topic. I have a few opinions on the subject myself but have run out of time to say much for now). Oh yeah, I have to mention the final essay in the book. It was a reasonably-decent discussion of talk radio in the US (and why it's like it is), terribly, terribly marred by inline "footnotes" in boxes (not necessarily corresponding to their narrative location) which broke up the text, were connected to their relevant section by arrows (and sometimes multiple arrows). It was just about impossible to read, a shame because the content was quite good (why? why? why not just stick with standard footnoting, with which DFW is quite well acquainted I can assure you. Apparently when it originally appeared in The Atlantic the notes were formatted in a more agreeable and readable way.).

So that's what I've just read now. Next time, some influential books or events involving books from my youth.
read
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 12:30:50 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [2]  | 
 Monday, March 27, 2006
a spring cycle ride

Saturday was really the first day of Spring, as the weather had suddenly shot up from just-above-freezing to well into the teens (C, ie, ~60F). So it was nice to take a bike ride without loads of layers. In order to avoid loads of pedestrians and wobbly rusty bicycles on the riverside paths, I headed north through some lovely urban landscapes, which at least featured decent cycle lanes which were separated from the busy road. Since I didn't bring my camera this time, I'll have to rely on overhead imagery from Google Maps. First, a nice overhead view illustrating the urban landscape, complete with cycle lane (the light red path just to the right of the north-south road). And the kind of scenery you see a lot of: filtration pools, giant muffin tins, and freight yards. It's actually pretty nice to ride in these areas on the weekend because there's so little traffic around the industrial zones (excepting the giant shopping mecca which includes a huge 24-hour Tesco and an Ikea). Especially when you're heading north, being propelled by a brisk (~15-20mph) south wind (experienced cyclists will note that there could be a flaw in this logic). After not so long, however, the cycle lane just plain ended.

Rather than join the throngs of cars on the major highway, I decided to backtrack a bit, then rode about a half mile east where I joined the familiar towpath along the River Lea. There were far fewer pedestrians and rusty, wobbly cycles than I had worried, possibly because the weather looked vaguely threatening. So it was a very pleasant, rather undisturbed ride. I was also far enough north that the riverside environment was much less industrial, featuring instead sights like canal locks, farms, and, er, an army of giant insectlike robots ready to invade London. At this point (well outside of the M25, north of Waltham Abbey), the Lea Valley Park opened up, with loads of paths wandering around the various manmade lakes. Some were (mostly) paved, others were muddy and sandy. Fortunately they were wide enough that a rather deranged cyclist could share them with assorted birdwatchers without any physical contact. I should note here that cyclists seem to be the mortal enemies of birdwatchers, but fortunately the latter are a peaceful sort, limiting their signs of displeasure to tutting and shaking their heads disapprovingly.

At this point I'd gone about 14 miles (in not quite an hour; an excellent pace for city riding), and decided it was time to turn back. Suddenly I realized the error of my ways as I was riding straight into the blustery south wind that had brought the springtime weather and made my northward ride so easy. A mountain bike does not exactly offer many possibilities for minimizing head-on wind resistance, and for a few moments I considered heading off course towards the nearest train station and taking the easy way home. Eventually my miserly tendencies won out over fatigue, and I continued on my not-so-merry way. I decided to stick to the canal/riverside path which seemed the most direct and the most sheltered from the wind (the latter may have just been dead wrong, as the river seemed to channel the wind rather than diverting or blocking it.). My pace on the return was just below 10mph, and my legs had turned to jelly by the time I made it home. A mere fifteen minutes before the skies really opened up.
bike
Monday, March 27, 2006 11:33:51 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [2]  | 
 Friday, March 24, 2006
London Drinker 2006

On Wednesday Mrs. Dunce and I went to the nearby London Drinker beer festival. Our visits to other London beer festivals in recent history (Great British Beer Festival last summer, Battersea Beer Festival in February) have been somewhat less than ideal as we chose to attend the Friday evening session, along with thousands of other like-minded souls who had no doubt been working for the weekend. Both previous festivals seemed impressively overcrowded (I might point out here that I do suffer from a teeny bit of anxiety among crowds of people), and even worse, the selection of drink was seriously reduced by the time Friday rolled around (I think both of these festivals started on Wednesday). At the Battersea festival we were reduced to mopping up various liquids on the floor and wringing the mop into our glasses (or at least, reduced to drinking FOREIGN beer because all the British ales, ciders and perries were long gone). So we decided that our visit to the London Drinker would be on Wednesday, the first night rather than the last.

Unfortunately even on a Wednesday it was quite crowded (exacerbated by the number of wise souls who clustered at the serving areas to enjoy their drinks, rather than moving along so that others could be served). Worse, it seemed like the festival organizers had adopted a slow-release approach to the drinks on offer; it seemed like half (or less) of the beers listed in the guide (LIST link) were actually available. Good for visitors later in the week, not so good for us (Mrs. Dunce was particularly sad that the Damson Porter (official link, one review) by Burton Bridge was not on offer). We did, however, come across quite a few beers that we really enjoyed. It seemed like there were a lot more dark beers than lighter ones, and a real boom in milds on offer (mild has seen quite a renaissance recently. Here's a general description and some examples).

Our vote for the winner was one of the milds:Pig on the Wall Mild although I also enjoyed the Malt Shovel Mild quite a bit. My real favorite was from the FOREIGN department (maybe I shouldn't admit this while my application for British nationality is being considered): a German smoked beer, Schlenkerla Bock Rauchbier. There were quite a few rauchbiers on offer, which I take as an enouraging development.

We left fairly early -- it was just too crowded. But we can hardly take the less-crowded alternative (the festivals are usually also open for lunchtime/afternoon sessions) as our employers may not appreciate this sort of behavior.
consume
Friday, March 24, 2006 10:34:40 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [1]  | 
 Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Letterbox spam
Just about every day, some sort of advertising material gets stuffed through our mail slot. It's mostly adverts for restaurants that deliver to the area, but all sorts of other things appear as well. The only way to deliver this sort of advertising material is on foot, and I wondered just how much of it we're getting, and how effective it is at targeting the Dunce household as customers. Starting last week, I began saving these adverts and keeping track of them. It's been a cold week, temperatures hovering not far above freezing, so I expected a lower yield than usual. After the first week, here's how it looks.

As expected, the majority (6) were for restaurants offering home delivery. Three Indian restaurants, two pizza places (including the home of the BLT pizza, "No. 1 in USA"), and one Chinese. One of the Indian restaurant menus went into the "food drawer" for consideration on the rare occasions we order food at home, as we still haven't come across any places that deliver to our house and are any good at all.

Of the others, two fall into the "self-help" category, offering the kind of help that isn't really appreciated by the Dunces who are both gainfully employed and have no big ideas about starting a business ("Whether you want to set up as a fashion designer, recording studio or market stall trader [company name] can HELP YOU!" and "We can help you develop the skills and confidence to find employment""). And the last is one of those quasi-charitable-but-actually-commercial clothing collection "services", Silverwall Ltd., "a collection company who provide people in third world countries with clothes for their families they can afford". Yes, they collect clothes so they can sell them in third world countries. Interestingly, a google search for this company name yielded one lonely result: a person whose efforts at cataloguing "letterbox spam" puts my first week to shame (link).

Score so far: 7 days, 9 pieces of advertising.
Total amount spent by the Dunces based on letterbox advertising: £0.

consume
Tuesday, March 21, 2006 5:49:52 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 
Whistling Dixie
In the big city, it's quite uncommon to come across someone whistling a cheery tune. So it was quite a surprise this weekend when we were riding on the upper deck of a #253 bus, and happened to hear a very familiar tune not typically associated with London. Someone on the lower deck of the bus was whistling the classic American folk song"Turkey in the Straw"*. When we exited I looked around for someone meeting my mental image of "someone likely to whistle 'Turkey in the Straw'" (perhaps a barefoot rube clad in overhauls [sic] and maybe even a straw hat, perhaps a Civil War veteran, perhaps one of those modern folk revivalists**) but there was no such person in sight. As it turned out, the mystery whistler was the bus driver. Quite a change from the usual surly-driver experience (although he did have a heavy foot on the brakes).

*a tune that is occasionally played by British ice-cream vans for some odd reason.

**The song has moved quite far from the performance style that originally popularized it in the early 19th century: blackface minstrel shows. Thank goodness.

music
Tuesday, March 21, 2006 12:20:01 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 
 Wednesday, March 15, 2006
More launching

The DCAL Centre's new website is now up and running. Guess who has by far the worst staff photo? Mrs. Dunce suggested that I should pose in the "traditional high school football manner" which I frequently seem to adopt when I am forced to pose for a picture. This involves looking very stern, puffing my chest out and raising my chin so that it looks like I have no neck (resulting pictures also somewhat resemble mug shots). Sadly this advice didn't come in time; it probably would have resulted in a better photo.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006 3:45:43 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [3]  | 
A nasty drink surprise

There's a new cola beverage being advertised in these parts lately. As the Pepsi website puts it, this product is an answer to a dilemma that I am sure is not being faced by millions of Brits daily: "Most difficult question of the day--cola or coffee?". The solution to this frequently-nonexperienced dilemma is now available thanks to Pepsi: Pepsi Max Cino, "The UK's first ever coffee-flavoured cola". As an open-minded fan of beverages of all sorts, I had to try one as soon as I saw it on sale. Wow. I've not had such an unpleasant beverage experience since my run-in with brussels sprout flavored Thanksgiving soda from Jones. The Pepsi Max Cino had a sickly-sweet flavor (it's sugar-free, but has far too much artificial sweetners), and the coffee and cola flavors did not exactly get along together. It tasted highly medicinal, and I wasn't able to drink much more than the optimistically large mouthful I eventually managed to choke down. Next time I have to face the aforementioned most difficult question of the day and am unable to come to a decision, I think I'll do any coffee/cola mixing myself.

Come to think of it, maybe I didn't like it just because I often drink flavored coffee. Maybe they just need to add another flavor: my suggestion would be Pepsi Max Cino + Hazelnut.
consume
Wednesday, March 15, 2006 3:29:51 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 
 Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Launching!
The past week or two have been really busy as we prepare for the launch of the new research centre where I am gainfully employed. This week is National Science Week so it's a very sensible time to launch a major new centre. The launch also (very nearly) coincides with the third anniversary of the British government's formal recognition of BSL as a language in its own right (18 March 2003; press release from the RNID, official government statement).*

To give you an idea of what the centre is all about, here is the official press release announcing the Centre award. I will be working primarily on projects related to language processing in signed and spoken languages (ok, not ALL signed and spoken languages, but starting off with BSL and English). More on that once the projects are actually underway -- at the moment I'm doing a lot of work wrapping up an assortment of previous projects.


*I should note that official recognition of BSL does not mean that BSL is an official language of the UK. Only that the government has recognized that BSL is a "real language". BSL is still not mentioned on the UK DirectGov pages concerning official languages, even though it's indisputably a British language, with thousands of native signers living in the country. So what is mentioned? English, Welsh, Scots Gaelic are definitely official (when we took the "Life in the UK" test, we were given the option of taking it in any of these three languages). The DirectGov page also gives space to Cornish, even though the last native Cornish speaker apparently died in 1777, and thus it can really be considered only a historical curiosity rather than a true language (check out this excellent post on Language Log for more info about the case of Cornish).

language
Tuesday, March 14, 2006 11:35:11 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 
 Friday, March 10, 2006
Personalized radio stations online

Lately I've been listening to a lot of music on pandora.com. Unlike most online radio stations, it allows users to design their own customized stations, not by explicitly selecting the albums, tracks or artists that are being played, but instead by designating a few favorite bands or songs. Since 2000 they have been working on the Music Genome Project which is a careful analysis of individual songs' musical properties; these musical properties are used to create playlists on Pandora. So if you select a favorite band as a starting point, Pandora will start you off with a song that is representative of that band's musical style, and then will continue playing similar songs on this customized "radio station". Importantly, you have the opportunity to give a thumbs-up or thumbs-down to any song (thumbs-down also fast-forwards to the next song); these ratings serve to fine-tune your preferences (for example, if you give a thumbs-down to every song featuring a saxophone, the number of sax songs will quickly dwindle to nothing. You can also add additional artists or songs to a radio station at any time; "adding" in this way is weighted much more heavily than a mere thumbs-up. It's presented as a great way to learn about new music (serving as a recomendation service: "If you love ______, you may like _____", complete with convenient links to buy tracks through iTunes or CDs through Amazon). I haven't discovered many "new" artists myself. I like this system instead because it does such a good job in general at playing a coherent mix of things that I like (it seems to be a little unpredictable if you choose artists that are extremely diverse).

To give an idea of how this works, I'm starting a new station right now, based on the Japanese psychedelic noise guitar band (my description, anyway) Acid Mothers Temple (hereafter, "AMT"). A little bit outside my normal listening world although I really like what I've heard from them. One cool thing about Pandora is that it also gives an explanation of why songs are being played. The first track, "Suzi Sixteen" (by AMT) is being played "because it features electronica influences, punk influences, the use of experimental sounds, paired vocal harmony and extensive vamping".

2. After that, the next track is "I was no longer his dominant (remix)" by Nurse with Wound (I've never heard of them). The musical description "why is this song playing?" is very similar: "it features electronica influences, punk influences, the use of experimental sounds, extensive vamping and mixed minor & major key tonality". It's not really my thing (a long rambling spoken word sample with minimal electronic background music) so it was a thumbs-down.

3. Next was "UK Theatre" by The Mountaineers (another band I've never heard of). It's a major switch from Nurse with Wound: much more guitar oriented and much less electronic. The description is a little vague: "electronica influences, acoustic rhythm guitars, and many other similarities identified in the music genome project". My previous playlists of various sorts have already identified my proclivity for acoustic rhythm guitars (something I wasn't aware of, although now that I think about it, sure!). Not good enough for a thumbs up, but definite no thumbs-down.

4. "Tears in the Typing Pool" by Broadcast (I have heard of them but can't say much more). Sure enough, the acoustic rhythm guitars stick around, along with paired vocal harmony (back to AMT again), and mixed minor & major key tonality. Another decent song (again not quite worth a thumbs-up); it doesn't seem much like AMT to me.

5. "The Dark, Magical Sea" by Karl Blau. I'd heard Karl Blau before but wasn't especially excited, but this song worked for me. Selected for "mellow rock instrumentation, a subtle use of vocal harmony, a vocal-centric aesthetic, extensive vamping and major key tonality." And there's another prominent feature in my musical preferences according to Pandora, "extensive vamping". I'd fully agree. This one gets a thumbs up.

6. "Sea of Dead", Robert Pollard (from Guided by Voices). I already know this song and I really like it; I wouldn't have drawn a connection from AMT but there it is. It was chosen for "mellow rock instrumentation, meandering melodic phrasing, major key tonality, acoustic rhythm guitars" (as well as "many other similarities identified in the music genome project" [MOSIITMGP]). A quick thumbs-up for sure.

7. "A Fire in the Forest" by David Sylvian. Ordinarily I might be inclined to give David Sylvian a quick thumbs-down without hearing the song but I thought I'd give this one a bit of a chance just for the sake of this test. For the record it's got "repetitive melodic phrasing, extensive vamping, prominent use of synth" + MOSIITMGP. Although I didn't like it so much it wasn't actually bad enough for a thumbs down.

8. "Just Gettin' Old": Kyle Swager (?). Many elements that have featured in the previous songs: "mellow rock instrumentation, mild rhythmic syncopation, vocal-centric aesthetic, major key tonality & acoustic rhythm guitars". But I really didn't like this one at all; it seemed a little too earnest, mellow and acousticy singer-songwritery for my liking. Thumbs down after the second verse.

9. "Daddy's Bare Meat": AMT. Occasionally a different song by the original band(s) will be slipped into the mix, I think to judge how a listener will rate a slightly different musical style by that band. This one is very much like the first, the only addition being "the use of ambient synths". Thumbs up.

10. Oops, it played "UK Theatre" again. I haven't noticed repeats before (and it was played for the same reasons listed above in 3). A quick fast-forward.

11. "Just Touch Them": Circus Devils. This one goes back to experimental sounds (haven't seen those since my thumbs down to #2), plus electronica, acoustic rhythm guitars, vamping & MOSIITMGP. Thumbs up but unfortunately very very short.

12. "Invisible Raincoat": National Eye. Mellow rock instrumentation and a couple of the vocal features that I don't believe I actually care about (subtle use of vocal harmony, vocal-centric aesthetic) (& MOSIITMGP), yet I like this song quite a bit. Lucky 13. "Geometry": Oneida. Ooh, I really like this one (and definitely hadn't heard it before). Subtle vocal harmony again, and yet again the extensive vamping. Plus major key tonality and MOSIITMGP.

14, and where I decided I'd stop keeping track: "Artheroid Vogue": Circus Devils. Another really good song by the band from #11. Yet again vocal features play a prominent role: subtle use of vocal harmony, vocal-centric aesthetic, plus mellow rock instrumentation, extensive vamping & MOSIITMGP.

So of the 11 unique tracks besides those by AMT, I gave thumbs-up to 6 (7 if you count "With Candy" by the Lilys which is playing now), no rating ("OK") to 4, and thumbs down to only 2. I'd call that a very good level of performance. A couple of notes: in order to continue listening to music beyond the first few tracks, you need to register an email address as a user (US zip code needed). I've been using the free service but there is a pay option (I didn't bother to see what this includes). The service also limits the number of tracks you can fast-forward ("our music licenses force us to limit the number of songs you may skip each hour"); if you reach that point you have to sit through even the thumbs-down songs for a while ("Sit back and enjoy the music for now").

Subsequent edit: It does very badly at making playlists from extremely diverse artists; it seems to take frequency/popularity into account when it's not able to reconcile very different styles. For example I tried to create a radio station from Leadbelly, Kylie Minogue and Anthrax. It didn't find some musical abomination with elements of all three, but instead started out playing only very Kylie-like songs (radio friendly, energetic pop). I had to give a string of thumbs-down ratings before I heard anything else. Then it was all Anthrax-like songs (metal maniacs one and all); again in order to get anything else I had to give a load of thumbs-downs. Finally it played a series of songs quite similar to Leadbelly (but of course not similar to the others). This also shows that enough thumbs-down raings can counteract an initial "bad choice" that you don't really like.
music
Friday, March 10, 2006 11:55:30 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [5]  | 
 Tuesday, March 07, 2006
New glasses!

Last weekend I finally collected my new glasses. My old pair were really nice (very lightweight titanium frames) but the lenses had gradually gotten a various assortment of scratches, dents, dings and other sorts of problems that make something transparent a little less so. Since I spend 95% of my working day staring at a computer screen, it's especially important that I am actually able to see the screen without major effort.

The old glasses looked like this:

(close-up view as most of the links don't give a good idea of what they actually look like. Like this one for example).

The new ones look more like this:
Yes, they are named "Francis". Although I should note that mine are a different color: I went with DVM, "dark violet". See, my Fashion Tip #4 yesterday was relevant after all. Although the color of the frames differs dramatically depending on the light, ranging from a steely grey to, well, a dark violet. So far reactions have been universally positive. And even more importantly, I can see!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006 2:28:14 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [1]  | 
 Monday, March 06, 2006
Beach weddings and fashion advice

I don't usually comment on the various search terms that lead people to my blog, but came across one I couldn't resist. A couple of days ago, someone visited from a Google search for the following: nicer summer dresses suitable for wearing to a beach wedding (my blog is #16 on Google at the moment for this search).

It would be rude of me to criticize this query on the basis of its not-entirely sensible use and combination of search terms (I personally would start with "summer dress" "beach wedding" but then I'm not in the market for dresses of any season and have not been invited to any beach weddings, so maybe this is just sour grapes), but the searcher clearly wasn't satisfied with the outcome if s/he actually visited my site looking for it.

In fact, I cannot think of many sites more poorly suited for answering such queries. The Dunce is known for the following fashion tips*.

1. Wear clothes until they wear out.
2. Wear a shirt on the upper half, and shorts on the lower half.
3. During the months of November, December, January and February, "shorts" in Tip 2 can be replaced by "trousers".
4. Purple is a favourite autumnal colour, brightening up the catwalks year after year, but this season it's more wearable than ever, coming in a range of gorgeous shades from lilac through to plum.
5. Put on a clean pair of underwear in the morning.
6. Wearing dirty clothing is fine, as long as the crotch area is mostly clean looking.
7. A wristwatch is a handy accessory if you wish to know the time on a regular basis.

So if you ask me about a nice summer dress suitable for wearing to a beach wedding, I'm most likely to try and change the subject (likely topics: various techniques for adjusting chain tension on a single-speed bicycle; different kinds of speed control devices on London roadways; why "Menzies" is nicknamed "Meng"; how history would have changed if the embattled men at the Alamo had held out for another week). If you do pin me down, don't blame me if you appear on the "FASHION DON'Ts" page of the celebrity mags.

*OK, I admit, one of these is plagiarized from somewhere else.
meta
Monday, March 06, 2006 5:13:44 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [1]  | 
Eyes down

One of the strangest things I've come to notice about getting around in a quite crowded city is the importance of (lack of) eye contact in making my way through crowds of people. It's especially relevant on busy pavements or in crowded stations where people are walking in multiple directions (there's quite clearly no "walk on the left (or right) side of the pavement" rule; that's another story). In such environments, the ideal situation is one in which you are able to continue walking in a mostly forward direction without stopping, running into anyone, or other slowing conditions such as the notorious face-to-face two-step (in which two parties come to a stop face to face in order to avoid collision, then engage in an awkward combination of mirror-image sidesteps, feints and muttered apologies before the situation is finally resolved). It is fairly easy to avoid a full stop or collision under most circumstances, but avoiding variants of the face-to-face two-step is more challenging.

It might seem that advance eye contact is the way to go: by making eye contact with an approaching pedestrian, some sort of nonverbal social contract can be established by which one party agrees to go one way and the other, the other. But my non-quantitative observational study of this phenomenon suggests that this is not the case at all: eye contact seems to produce face-to-face two-step situations. Perhaps this is due to some sort of urban primate aggression (cf. cardinal-direction-going Zaxes), but most of my own face-to-face two-step experiences don't give that impression (the other party typically has a sort of confused, frustrated look, as if someone is standing directly in their path). It seems like eye contact with a stranger is really bad for expressing something like "I am going to pass you on the right", perhaps because direct eye contact implies direct forward motion. Or maybe it's my hypnotic gaze; next time this happens I'll try issuing a command ("Bark like a dog") and see what happens. Oddly, and perhaps counterintuitively, this problem (I mean the problem of face-to-face two-step situations, not the problem of London being overrun by a Dunce-led zombie army) is much rarer when I'm walking and looking at the ground a few feet in front of me. The crowds simply divide as if by magic, and only very seldom does some idiot come straight on and block my path. Perhaps without eye contact, other pedestrians are using other cues to anticipate my direction (perhaps they're looking at the direction of my feet, or perhaps they assume I will continue moving forward in the absence of eye contact or other social cues). It seems to me that foot-level cues give a quicker sense of the direction of someone's path (and a more immediate indication of any changes in such). Anyway, yet another reason to avoid eye contact while taking public transportation in London.

Note: these observations are not likely to apply for road vehicles.
Monday, March 06, 2006 4:48:31 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [4]  | 
 Thursday, March 02, 2006
Talking in my sleep

I've discovered that I not only talk in my sleep (most recently, something about "In a true democracy, blahblahblahrrrrmmmm....."), but I've recently started using sign language as well. A couple of nights ago I woke up Mrs. Dunce with sign language (or maybe she was already awake since they were quiet signs); I was dutifully practicing my BSL and asking someone about their job:

<pointing>  WORK  WHERE <pointing>  ("Where do you work?").

I was dreaming about trying to have a BSL conversation in the dark, without my glasses on. Needless to say I wasn't able to understand their response (if any).
language
Thursday, March 02, 2006 3:52:20 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [1]  | 
 Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Saint David's Day

Today is the national holiday of Wales, St. David's Day, and also an opportunity to celebrate anyone else sharing his name. Although I don't exactly come from a background that practices any sort of veneration of saints (in fact, I vaguely recall a sermon or perhaps a Sunday school lesson in which the term "idolators" was repeatedly used to describe those of a Popish persuasion), I would hope that readers will at least consider honoring ME (if not any Saint David) in a manner appropriate for the day (especially since it's very close to being my half-birthday as well). Just in case you're not aware of what might be appropriate, I thought I'd provide a few details.

St. David is best known for, well, being the patron saint of Wales. According to legend, St. David instructed Welsh soldiers battling against the Saxons to wear leeks on their helmets so they could be easily identified. Whether this is true or not, the leek remains a national emblem of Wales, and Welsh citizens (supposedly) wear leeks on St. David's day. St. David is also known for the usual saintly activities (pilgrimages, establishing monasteries, denunciation of pelagianism). His most famous miracle occurred while he was preaching to a large crowd; he caused a hill to rise under him so that more people could see. This hill remains to this day (although the village is now perhaps better known for other things these days).

However, today is not strictly reserved for St. David; March first has plenty of other saintly commemorations (calendar; Catholic Forum lists many more including Herculanus [patron saint of enlarged sphincters I believe]):
St. Antonina, who derided heathen gods and was thus "variously tormented" then put in a cask and drowned
St. Herculanus (Perugia) who was beheaded by Goths, but 40 days later his head was rejoined to his body
Saints Swidbert and Albinus, who were all around good guys and had good names
260 martyrs in Rome, forced to dig sand by Claudius and then shot with arrows
And a bunch of other miscellaneous martyrs

The Welsh St. David is by no means the only saintly David. Of course the legendary giant-killer was the original St. David (or just "David"). But there are loads and loads more, all of whom seem to have been swept into sainthood by the giant broom of John Paul II: David Oghlou David (one of the Armenian martyrs of 1895), Toros Oghlou David (another Armenian martyr, 1895), David Galván-Bermudez (Mexican martyr, 1915), David Roldán-Lara (another Mexican martyr, 1926), David Uribe (yet another Mexican martyr, 1927), David Okelo (Ugandan martyr, 1918), Vicente Vilar David (Spanish martyr, 1937). Surely there are other St. Davids (saints David?) but I didn't come across them.

Other important events in history occurring on March 1 but not saintly or Davidly:
1692: Salem witch trials begin
1914: the Republic of China joined the Universal Postal Union
1941: Bulgaria joins the Axis
1954: Catherine Bach, actress who played "Daisy Duke" is born
Also 1954 (and surely not a coincidence), US hydrogen bomb tests in Bikini
1978: Charlie Chaplin's coffin is stolen
Wednesday, March 01, 2006 1:17:08 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [2]  | 
 Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Elevator action

Today I came to the office to find a small cluster of people standing around waiting for a lift (US elevator) on the ground floor. They'd already pressed the "up" button and were patiently waiting for the doors to open. It seemed they might have some time to wait, as two of the three indicators showed their respective lifts were at the ground floor already. But there is a secret trick known only to initiates of the secret Otis Society (and perhaps to a few obsessive-compulsive individuals not affiliated with the O.S. who may have stumbled onto the trick through skills learned by trying all possible combinations of commands in text adventure games). In such situations, pressing the "down" button gets you an "up" lift: the doors open and the "going up" indicator lights up (and indeed, "going up" has priority: if one passenger presses the "4" button, and another presses the "B"(basement) button [um, maybe I'll use negative numbers for levels of basement as my local terminology of G, LG, B may confuse], the lift will go up first). It's especially strange, as the lifts often exhibit "typical" (ie, expected) behavior as outlined in perhaps excessive fashion below* (and perhaps not without errors).

If a button for a particular floor is pressed from inside the lift (hereafter, simply "internal button"), the lift will move toward that floor, stopping at any intermediate floors whose internal buttons have also been pressed. If someone presses an internal button corresponding to a floor in the opposite direction to the current direction of movement (ie, the lift is on floor 2, heading toward floor -1, and someone presses "4"), the lift will continue its downward motion until it is completed, and only then reverse. If someone presses an internal button beyond the range of the current movement but in the same direction (ie, someone presses "-3" while the lift is still moving toward -1 in the example above), continuing to move in the same direction takes priority over a change in direction (therefore in the above examples, the lift will travel from 2 to -1 to -3, and only then to 4). During this process, the lift will stop at any floor for which a call button outside the lift (hereafter, "call button") has been pressed, but only if the call button's direction matches the lift's current direction of movement (if the lift is going down, but you're waiting to go up, it'll pass you by). If the lift is not in motion from an internal button press, it will respond to the first call button press, traveling toward that floor with plans to stop there and give priority to movement in the desired direction. It can, however, be intercepted by a call button press in the direction of motion which could scupper the original lift-caller's plans (for example, the lift is waiting dormant on 4. Someone on 0 presses the "UP" call button. On the lift's way down to 0, someone on 2 presses the "DOWN" call button and intercepts the lift. This interloper presses "-3" which now overrides the call button from 0. The lift passes by 0 without opening, disgorges the passenger on -3, but now the lift is going upwards toward the unanswered call on 0 so it will likely collect the passenger on 0. Unless s/he has taken the stairs).

This simple system is slightly complicated by the fact that our building has not one, but three lifts (the very-slow-opening and jerky one on the left side, the middle one, and the one that's usually broken**). This necessitates some sort of priority system for "accepting" call button presses (otherwise all idle lifts would race for each call button press). It seems to be primarily on the basis of direction (if lifts are waiting at -4, 3 and 5, and a person on 1 presses the up call button, the lift from -4 will respond in order that no change of direction will be necessary, assuming the person on 1 is not a joker actually wishing to go down). But if one of the other lifts gets to 1 first (perhaps someone from 3 goes to 1), the poor lift from -4 will nonetheless continue to 1 and wait there for further instructions. Except there's yet another constraint on the system: if there is no lift at 0, any lift without instructions should go to 0 and wait there (presumably because 0 is the main entrance, hence the area with the highest lift demand). There may be other such constraints as some of the lifts do sometimes seem to move without any button-pressing ("seem" being the operative word, I haven't conducted enough of an investigation to be sure. It may also be ghosts). Anyway, all this (and I mean ALL) still fails to explain why the lifts sometimes sit idle at 0, waiting for a "down" call which means "up" and ignoring any "up" call.




*N.B. This entire system can be overridden by the use of an "Operator key": insert the key and the lift will obey only internal button-presses and ignore any call buttons.

**Knowing this, a savvy lift user might intentionally use misleading lift-calling tactics in order to request the much-faster lift. It's risky behavior, though, and requires a decent sense of traffic patterns in the building (e.g., don't do it within five minutes of an o'clock, because the building is flooded with students going willy-nilly between all sorts of floors) in order to avoid undesirable detours.
travel
Tuesday, February 28, 2006 2:14:38 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [1]  | 
 Monday, February 27, 2006
When is data like rabbits?

When it/they is/are multiplying.

This weekend I came across a Microsoft poster advertising some sort of data management system, presumably aimed at workers who are suffering from information overload (both the poster and the system are aimed at such people, so feel free to attach the "presumably" clause wherever you prefer). This problem was illustrated by a harried-looking employee-type, thinking (or perhaps actually saying; I don't recall whether it was in a speech balloon or thought balloon)
"This data is multiplying like rabbits."

Readers of a grammatically conservative disposition (SNOOTs, in the terminology of one particular such individual) will no doubt have already reacted in some way to this brief sentence; depending on one's level of grammatical conservatism and dramatic character, such reactions might range from a sigh and small headshake all the way up to retching, gasping and shouting (which may in turn elicit sigh/headshake reactions from the retcher/shouter's companions depending on relative tolerance for public displays of overdramatic reactions). Although my own reaction at the time may have been more on the sigh/headshake side of things (Mrs. Dunce may disagree), the sentence really stuck in my head as something very wrong. It starts with the question of whether "data" can be used as a singular noun (you know, datum = the correct singular term, and all that). As a frequent cruncher of data myself, I am very strongly biased toward strictly plural use of the term "data" and singular uses like "This data is..." are somewhat irritating to me.*

But even if "data" in this instance is allowed to take a singular verb (and also the "This" instead of "These", which I didn't even mention but causes me similar discomfort), there's still a problem with its relation to the figurative language in the predicate: the singular reading is very much at odds with the laws of nature and the way in which rabbits multiply. If you have only one rabbit (or any other animal**), it's not very likely to multiply on its own (excepting certain initial state conditions). So the parallel between rabbits and data is a very clunky one, especially if "data" is (syntactically) singular. This clunkiness extends to many other instances of "is multiplying/breeding like rabbits" found in the wild (Google results), a substantial number of which are collectives ("unwanted mail", "roster of customers", "bad news", "the number of _____"; plus loads of, erm, invective directed at particular groups, such as "the Catholic religion", "an immigrant group", "white trash", "Moslem population" and so on). In all of these cases it's not the groups themselves that are multiplying/breeding but the individuals. However, this kind of use is not at all uncommon; in fact, "is multiplying/breeding like rabbits" is nearly as common as "are multiplying/breeding like rabbits" (503 and 677 Google hits respectively).

*I should note that the typical "wrong" use of "data" with a singular verb is not really as a singular noun, but instead as a collective term (like "family", "team" and so on). If "data" is a collective noun, it should by all rights be used with a singular verb (in US English at least; UK English is another story). All I can say is that I use "data" with plural verbs. I should also note, however, that my 100% plural use of the term "data" is accomplished by use of some additional terms derived from "data", term which might almost be considered "cheating". For example, instead of "datum" I tend to use "datapoint" or "data point". Hardly the most efficient way to singularize a plural term; it's almost like saying "a dogs-individual" when you mean "a dog". I similarly avoid the "collective" problem by using the term "dataset".

**Any other animal except, apparently, some sort of grass mite. Tribbles don't count because they are not real, as far as I know anyway.
language
Monday, February 27, 2006 12:16:24 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 
 Tuesday, February 21, 2006
single speed cycle irritation

As I've mentioned before, my commuting bike is a nice single speed mountain bike. One of the main issues with single speed bikes is maintaining chain tension, as a loose chain is liable to hop right off the chainring whenever you hit a bump. On a typical multispeed bike, tension is provided by a derailleur (or "derailer") which uses a pulley system to keep the chain tight. With single speed bikes, though, such a complicated system is not needed as the derailleur's main function is to provide tension across a wide variety of gears. On some single-speed bikes, chain tension is adjusted by moving the back wheel forward or backward; this is only possible if the bike frame has horizontal dropouts. Another possibility (most often used on bikes that are converted from multi-speed use) is to use a very simplified version of a derailleur: a single spring-loaded pulley that holds a loose-ish chain tight; the Singleator is probably the best known example. My bike, instead, has yet another system for keeping the chain tight. Instead of moving the back wheel, or taking up the slack on the chain itself, the only remaining option is to move the drive chainring (ie, the one attached to the crank & pedal) forward or back. This is done using an odd gadget called the "eccentric bottom bracket":

A normal bottom bracket has a circular surface, and the drive mechanism (axle, bottom bracket, whatever you want to call it) goes right through its center. As you can see from the picture above, however, the eccentric bottom bracket has an elliptical surface and the drive mechanism is offset from the center. This allows adjustment of the chain tension by rotating the bottom bracket, causing it (along with the chainring, pedals etc) to move forward or backward (there is also likely to be an issue of vertical displacement: as there are two positions that provide appropriate tension [unless it's at the maximum or minimum distance]. Rider's choice whether to go high or low). It's crucial that this mechanism be tightly fastened in place, otherwise it'll lose tension. And that's what's happened to me: somehow it loosened just a little bit during my normal commuting activities. And all of a sudden I had to take extra care to make sure the chain didn't hop off whenever I hit a bump. Not such an easy challenge as there are many, many bumps (speed humps, flawed road surfaces, construction zones, various obstacles). It's possible to achieve suitable tension by never coasting (always keeping forward pressure on the pedals, using the front chainring to keep the chain on) but this is quite a hassle. No problem, I thought. I'd just adjust the tension, quite easily done with this setup. As pictured above, you first release the mechanism using an Allen wrench, then use a specialized tool (a pin spanner, which I have) to rotate the unit. Get the correct tension and tighten it back down, easy as pie.

Easy as pie, that is, as long as your 4mm Allen bolt is in pristine condition. Somehow, it appears that my 4mm Allen bolt has become rather decrepit, or to put it more specifically, stripped. OK maybe it didn't find itself magically stripped by the bolt-stripping pixies, but through my brutish handling of the Allen wrench which quickly illustrated the geometric relationship between a hexagon and a circle both with radius n. I'm still mulling my choices, whether I admit defeat and take it to my LBS (local bike shop), or take the macho approach: try and drill the remains of the bolt out myself without destroying the rest of the bottom bracket and/or the frame. I can see the latter option degenerating into a situation in which the bike is entirely reduced to scrap, there's a sizable hole in the wall and/or floor, I'm bleeding profusely from hands and arms, and my hair is on fire. Anyway, I've spent too long writing about this, now I'm off to find the drill.
bike
Tuesday, February 21, 2006 2:30:10 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [2]  |